


Anchor

by sasageyowrites



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:21:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27898999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasageyowrites/pseuds/sasageyowrites
Summary: Levi has with held himself since his wife’s death, his daughter needs him but he can’t bring himself to do anything. Until Hange and Erwin step in. Levixreader
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Uploaded from my Tumblr account sasageyowrites. This was a prequel that was requested from another part that was originally another request. If that makes sense.

Disclaimer: Believe it or not I don’t own AoT I know shocker. I don’t own you because that’s illegal and we don’t stan the ownership of people. I also don’t own the GIF below.

Warnings: angst. Death. Angst. Did I mention the angst?

Please don’t repost that’s not cool

Levi x reader

Levi stood in the military graveyard, the sea of white headstones that surrounded him like the ghosts of his fallen comrades watching him in pity from their memorials where they now lay, their duty having been served. The rain fell softly from the sky as if the stormy clouds above were shedding their own tears for him, the gentle pitter patter of the droplets echoing throughout the empty final resting place for fallen soldiers.

The captain stared down at the newest headstone in the cemetery that rested a few centimetres before him, his silver eyes dulled with grief and had it not been raining it could have been mistaken that he was crying. His body as still as the bodies that lay meters beneath the ground, his jaw clenched tightly as his own grief took form.

The service had been a grand one, one that Levi knew you rightfully deserved for your years of service. As captain it was mandatory he attend every service for every scout member, he had always hated to go to military funerals because it meant another good solider had died. But this one had been the hardest to sit through, at any moment he feared he would have let his emotions get the better of him, he hadn’t moved from your resting spot since the reception ended twenty minutes ago and the procession had moved on to the remembrance leaving him alone in the rain with the headstone of his wife.

He closed his eyes briefly letting the unforgiving rain continue to trickle down his hair and over his frozen skin.

He could still see it as it happened, he could see you launching yourself towards another solider and pulling them out the way before the titan’s ugly hand had swiped at your ODM cables and launched you into an old building that had been outside the walls, your body crunching at the impact.

Levi inhaled sharply as the nightmare came flooding back, as he recalled sitting in the rubble which surrounded your broken body as he held you to his chest, begging you to stay with him as a trail of blood ran from your lips the fear in your eyes burned into his brain as you took your final desperate breaths.

His heart squirmed in his chest as he remembered the fading heart beat and your whispers of confessed love for him as he begged you to stay with him, your eyes slowly shutting leaving him to hold your lifeless body in his arms as he silently wept.

“Wish you were here brat.” he muttered reaching out to place a hand on the top of the headstone, the marble slick beneath his fingers from the rain as he kneeled beside it, making sure not to get too dirty, his military trench coat damp from the cold but he didn’t seem to care “you were amazing you know. I might not have said it enough but I- I loved you. The world won’t be the same without you in it.”

He wasn’t surprised at the silence that followed, he supposed this would be his life now: to be whispering his love to a white headstone, the woman he loved beneath his feet and deaf to his words. He released a muffled moan as he leaned in, resting his head against the cool marble, his ebony hair falling around his face as he remained kneeling on the sodden earth, one hand on the gravestone and his forehead pressed against the engraving of your name.

“Daddy.”

The captain’s eyes snapped open and he pulled his head off the headstone to turn and face the child that sat in Petra’s arms behind him, her huge (y/e/c) eyes staring intently back at him, curiousness embedded within their depths, her raven black head of hair ruffled from the wind and drizzle.

Levi stood up turning to his soldier who stood with his child in her arms, he avoided Petra’s sympathetic brown eyes as he reached out to take Kuchel from her. Petra slowly unwrapped her arms from around the small child as she passed her off to her father, Levi grunted a thank you as he held his daughter into his chest, his arms supporting her from underneath and wrapping around her ensuring she would never fall.

“Come inside Captain.” Petra warmly said giving him a small smile turning on her heal and leaving, heading towards the small white church that lay within the cemetery.

Levi watched his friend leave before turning his attention back onto the head stone, his daughter squirming in his arms as she buried her face into his ascot, her doll like hands grasping the collar of his trench coat. Levi let slip a small smile as he pressed his lips to her soft raven hair, resting his cheek on the top of her head as he gently rocked her back and forth his eyes not leaving the final resting place for his wife.

…

That was five months ago.

It was late at night, Levi wasn’t even sure what time it was, all he knew was that the paperwork he was filling out needed to get done. His hand aching in protest as he continued to scribble his signature over countless pieces of paper, his heavy and tiered eyes threatening to close and never open until morning.

He reached across the desk to grasp the tea cup that sat beside his ink pot and brought the china cup to his lips. Shit. It was cold. He had been working so hard he had left a perfectly good cup of tea go to waste, his heart clenched for a second as he placed the cup back down, staring at it in annoyance. Five months without someone to voluntarily refill his tea for him. He still hadn’t gotten used to your absence he longed for your company when he was loaded with work, you had made it bearable.

He sighed rubbing a hand across his face.

How had he lived five months without you?

Truth was he hadn’t. He hardly slept anymore then he already did, he hardly ate, his training had increased a great deal as he pushed his body to its limits trying to take his mind off of the whole situation. He didn’t even see his daughter half the time, often handing her to a cadet to look after her while he attended a meeting, telling the cadet if he saw so much as a scratch on her pretty face, he would make sure they never walked again. He wasn’t good at the parenting thing, the only reason he had been so sure he wanted a child was because he knew you would be there to help him not fuck it up.

He moved his hand away from his away from his face, his eyes landing on the framed wedding drawing on his desk. He couldn’t bare to see your smiling face looking up at him through lead pencil lines his own face looking back, the faintest smile on his face.

Levi sighed as his eyes stayed trained on the drawing, wishing he could pull you out of the frame and have you here with him. He reached over to turn the frame downwards so your image now lay smiling into the table.

He could still see your wedding day in his minds eye. It had been a huge event despite yours and his wishes, but Hange had begged for a big white wedding which he eventually agreed to. But the guests and the presents and the dancing he couldn’t have cared less about, the feeling he got when he saw you walking down the aisle looking so beautiful had taken his breath away. You had been the most desired woman in the entirety of the three walls, the other wives of the military superiors had nothing when it came to you. You had been an angel in a halo of glowing light and as he had watched you dance with the children he knew he was the luckiest son of a bitch alive.

Now you were gone. Only living in his memory.

A subtle knock came from the door and he was drawn from his momentary reminiscing, his gaze slowly landing in the door to his office where the knock had come from. He sighed leaning back into his desk chair resting an elbow on the arm rest and resting his chin on his hand dragging his little finger across his full lip.

“Name and business.”

“Levi?”

“What is it four eyes?”

The door opened to reveal Hange, her hair in its usual ponytail and her glasses reflecting the flickering candle light, her freckled face held a confident glare as she entered the office closing the door behind her as she walked over to Levi’s desk. He stared up at her through bored eyes arching a brow as he waited for an explanation into her arrival, he exhaled heavily and picked up his quill beginning to fill out more papers only for the section commander to snatch the quill from his hands.

“I have a lot of work to do Hange, what do you want?” he grumbled leaning back into his chair.

“Levi we need to talk.” she said, her voice not holding any signs of its usual insanity.

“Tch, we are talking shitty glasses.” he scoffed opening his desk drawer to pull out another quill and dipped it into the ink pot, only for Hange to snatch it away clutching the two quills tightly as if they would fly away, her hands resting on her hips.

“I’m being serious Levi. We need to talk.” she said again, her lips unsmiling and her brown eyes held a serious edge to them that made Levi think she actually had something worth his time to hear.

“About what?” he drawled watching her through tiered eyes.

Hange shifted slightly on the spot, clearly uncomfortable as to what she had to say. Levi was her best friend and she had noticed his gradual decline and depressed disposition, she had noticed how hard he was pushing himself, the bags under his eyes looked as if someone had drawn dark circles around his eyes with ink. She was worried he would work and work and work until he drove himself into an early grave beside yours.

He may have been humanity’s strongest, but he wasn’t invincible. He was human.

“You’re not well Levi.” Hange said softly careful not to agitate him, she held her ground even as he frowned at her.

“I’m perfectly fine four eyes. I’m still alive, in my books that’s as healthy as you get.” he said crossing his legs over and resting his arms on the sides of the desk chair, his golden wedding ring glinting in the candlelight.

Hange inhaled a deep breath, it hurt her to see her friend be in such denial. Levi was the strongest person she knew but this seemed to have made a chink in his armour, she didn’t want to push him into any kind of hysteria but knowing Levi his hysteria would be name calling and more paperwork.

“You haven’t slept properly in months, you’ve lost about ten pounds and you haven’t given yourself a day off to grieve properly since (y/n)…. since (y/n) died.” Hange spoke faltering slightly at the mention of her friend.

“What’s your point Hange? I’m beginning to lose my patience.” Levi growled his bored expression holding signs of evident pain and annoyance.

“I’m trying to tell you that you need help!” she yelled slamming her hands down into the table causing the items in his desk to wobble slightly, Levi raised an eyebrow not even phased.

“Keep it down would you? I have my spawn sleeping in the other room.” Levi sighed glancing back at the door to check that his daughter hadn’t been awoken due to her aunts outburst, he turned back to see his friend’s face slightly red and he noticed that behind her glasses, her eyes were shaking with tears.

“Levi you aren’t you. Erwin suggested you take Kuchel and have a few days off, just the two of you.”

“Not going to happen. Tell eyebrows thanks but I still have to do my job.” Levi drawled, Hange sniffled slightly taking her hands off the desk.

“Erwin said if you refused the offer he would relieve you of your duty’s until you were healthier.”

The scientist held her breath waiting for her friend to react. She was expecting him to flip the desk, or maybe assault her from his uncontrolled rage at the break he was unwillingly forced to take. She expected this because it was what he had done when he returned back from the expedition that day, your body clutched tightly to him as he rode through the gates. Levi had completely destroyed his office from his tourment, Kuchel had had to be carried away by Oluo to get her away from her grieving father. Hange expected that reaction now, but he remained still, too tiered to make a move.

“I’m not going on some shitty holiday with my kid,” Levi said, his voice holding a chilling edge, his misty eyes narrowed as his hair fell around his face “I’m going to do my job to save lives and kill those lumbering bastards. Make this world better for my daughter not have a vacation, if Erwin doesn’t understand that then that’s his problem.”

“He’s worried about you Levi, we all are. You’ll kill yourself eventually if you carry on like this.” Hange whispered a tear falling from under her glasses causing Levi to scoff and look away.

“Tch. Let me die, if it means I’m making this world better with each fucking Titan I kill then so be it.”

“What about Kuchel?” Hange whispered and Levi’s eyes widened slightly his lips parting as he let his gaze fall back in the woman before him, tears still sliding down her cheeks.

“What about Kuchel?”

“Levi she’s a child not an idiot. She knows her mummy isn’t coming home, she knows her daddy is in pain. How can you say you will die so easily? That child, your daughter, she needs her father, now more then ever. Sure you can kill as many titans as you want but would that really make Kuchel’s world better if both her parents are dead?” Hange said her voice not even wavering, her glasses flashing white as her eyes began to cease the water works “I know you’ve been trying to spend time with her where you can but you can’t keep handing her off to cadets to babysit her. She was asking where her Daddy was today, she asked why her daddy didn’t love her enough to spend time with her.”

Levi’s heart lurched in his chest as Hange’s words, his own eyes now sparkling with tears. Of course he loved Kuchel, he loved her more then a father could possibly love their child, his neglect wasn’t because of carelessness. He had been so wrapped up in his own head and motives he hadn’t seen how it affected his child. Your child. The overbearing weight of depression and grief had worn him so ragged he was ignoring what he had left to be grateful for. He inhaled sharply closing his eyes trying to hold back the tears that were irritating his vision, his throat growing scratchy and dry as his mind began to accept what had actually happened.

“What do you do if Ku leaves your life? There are already speculations you aren’t fit to be we father. They could take her away Levi. Please, stop hurting yourself.” she begged tears uncontrollably running in waterfalls down her face.

“They wouldn’t dare…”

“Levi please stop fighting. For once just please allow yourself time to heal. (Y/n) is gone, but you have a daughter to take care of. Don’t let her out of your life too.” Hange whispered her voice shaking, Levi opened his mouth to respondbut closed it as her words sink in.

You were dead. You weren’t coming back and he needed to fix himself if he wanted to provide a good life for Kuchel. You would have slapped him silly for acting so weakly in a time that required strength, he had lost himself in his own heart shattering grief he had lost sight of the one person who still needed him.

Hange watched as Levi released a soft moan resting his elbows on the desk before him and hiding his hands in his face, his ebony hair concealed his eyes from her and the tears that fell from them.

“I loved her Hange.” he muttered pulling his face out of his hands to stare at her, her breath catching slightly at the sight of him crying. A single tear rolling down his narrow cheek.

“I know you did shorty.” Hange answered, her voice soft as Levi wiped the tears from his cheeks “(y/n) was…”

“Everything.”

“Yes. She was.”

“I thought I had learned to lose someone. I thought I would never lose her, I thought I would be better at protecting her.”

“Everyone dies Levi. You know more then anyone.”

“(Y/n) wasn’t everyone. She was mine.”

Hange closed her mouth a small smile working it’s way into her face as she nodded, a small exhale leaving her nose. Levi was quiet for a moment his steely irises quivering as unfallen tears danced across the surface of his eyes, his heart numb in his chest as he thought about his empty and alone he had felt in the world.

You had been his world. But Kuchel was a star glimmering beside you, one that he had payed no attention too when you had left him, Kuchel who’s brilliant light was slowly fading needing healing too.

He had to make things right. He just didn’t know how.

“I don’t know how to fix this.” he breathed letting his eyes meet hers, she remained silent for a while mulling over his words “why should she want me as a father after what I’ve put her through?”

Hange bit her lip, her mind forming answers.

“Tell me Levi.” she finally said “if (y/n) was here what would she say?”

He paused. The tears now pouring down his face as his mind brought him back to his days spent with you, your fingers running through his hair when he was stressed, or your laughter as you showed your amusement at something he had said. He could still smell your hair and feel your body as he pulled you close into him, the world melting away as he kept you safely in his arms never to be harmed.

“She would tell me to get a grip. The same way I would tell her the same thing. She would laugh at my stupidity and refuse to give me any affection until I fixed things.”

“If the roles were reversed, would you want (y/n) to be acting like you? Ignoring your daughter and neglecting her own health?”

“Of course not.”

“Then fix this Levi. I was (y/n)’s friend and it angers me to see you acting like this. She wouldn’t want this for you.”

Levi nodded standing up, his chair squeaking along the stone floors, he nodded to Hange and she gave him a weak smile before turning on her heal and exiting out the door. Levi sighed, left alone in the quiet office before he turned and walked towards his bedroom door where Kuchel was sleeping, she had been sleeping in his bed since you died. She complained that her room was too cold but Levi had a feeling she wanted to try and help heal him by keeping him company.

For a three year old she was incredibly intuitive, he didn’t give her enough credit.

He slowly entered his bedroom trying his best to slowly close the door and not wake her. A small candle that a acted as a nightlight for her sat flickering on the window sill, her small form nestled sweetly in between the bed sheets where her mother once lay, her tiny dark head almost engulfed by the white pillow and her toddler body drowning in the bedsheets.

Levi made his way over to the bed crouching beside her so his eyes were level with her head. A small smile made its way onto his lips as he watched her chest fall and rise, her rosebud lips parted slightly as she lightly snored. He noticed that her tiny hands were curled up into fists and her relatively long onyx hair curled gorgeously around her face, his heart swelled slightly at the sigh of it all.

“Ku.” he whispered her nickname, slowly reaching a hand out to gently shake her body.

She stirred, her huge eyes fluttering open to reveal her striking (y/e/c) irises and the breath hitched in Levi’s throat at the sight of them his mind flashing with images of you, the same colour eyes sparkling in the banks of his nostalgia. However, he quickly pushed his own sadness aside and waited for his daughter to properly wake up. She sat up rubbing her eyes with her doll like hands, blinking at him with curiosity, Levi gave her a small smile and ruffled her hair, still crouched beside her bed.

“Daddy?” she whispered, a small yawn escaping.

“Hey brat.” he muttered back and she released a childish giggle.

“Brat.” she repeated happily flashing him a toothy grin as if she was proud of her new found word.

“Yeah that’s you, a brat.” Levi mumbled placing one hand over her tummy and the other on the bed beside her.

“Why did you wake me up?” she asked lying back into her pillow as Levi kept a hand on her, rubbing his thumb over her back soothingly, he inhaled and closed his eyes briefly.

“Ku, how would you feel about a trip. Somewhere away from here, just me and you?” he asked softly, his cold eyes now holding an elemental warmth as his child’s face lit up, her beautiful eyes sparkling with joy.

“You mean that daddy?” she asked sitting up clasping her hands together.

“Yeah, I mean it brat. Wherever you want to go I’ll make it happen. So where do you wanna go?”

She was quiet for a moment squeezing her eyes shut trying to picture somewhere to go. Her nose scrunched up as her tiny mind tried to form an idea, Levi smirked to himself as he watched her. God, she was so much like her mother it was as if you were in the room with him, your warm presence in his mind spreading through his body.

He was drawn from his thoughts when Kuchel released a small gasp her eyes wide and dazzling with the idea she had conjured.

“Can we go to a castle? Like the ones in the stories that mummy read to me?” she asked. Levi huffed in amusement.

He knew there were a few old castles lying in some quiet areas of wall Rose long abandoned by nobles and made into resorts for military personnel on leave or holiday, some of which the survey corps owned. He was sure he could make it happen.

“What kind of castle?”

“Um…a big one?” she said unsurely causing Levi to let a chuckle slip at his toddlers words.

Once again he reached forward to ruffle her raven hair the thick locks of curls tangling with his fingers, bringing his face closer to hers as she released another giggle. She reached forward to place her chubby hands on both his cheeks, smooshing them together and bursting into laughter as she pressed his cheeks into funny faces, he sighed letting his hand fall from her head and around her body as she continued to smush his face in her delicate hands.

He rolled his eyes as his face was bullied by her toddler hands, her squeals of delight ringing in his ears as he playfully growled and lunged forward to wrap his arms around her small form, pulling her towards him dragging her across the bed sheets the girl squealing in shock as she was pulled into his chest. Levi grunted standing up, looping an arm under her legs and placing his other hand on the back of her scruffy head holding her against him securely as she nuzzled into his broad chest. He smiled warmly at her pressing a soft kiss to her cheek, his full lips brushing over her smooth skin as his hair tickled her nose.

“Ew daddy.” she giggled wiping her cheek, he smirked down at her.

“Shut up brat.” he grumbled trying his hardest to scowl at her but his adoration for her was too overpowering causing him to fail miserably at pretending to be upset with her.

Levi gently pushed her head onto his shoulder keeping his hand on the back of her hair, her body nestled snugly against his torso as he held her close, her tiny face resting on the fabric of his white shirt, her chest falling and rising against his own. Levi sighed cocking his head to the side to rest gently over her own head that was cushioned on his muscular shoulder, her tiny breaths tickling his neck slightly.

“Can we go to a castle daddy? Can you do that?” she asked, he nodded and she gasped excitedly pulling her face out from between his shoulder and cheek to stare at him “we can take Bessy.”

“Who’s Bessy?”

“Your pony horse.” she replied giggling and he huffed.

“I thought you were scared of my mare.” he said raising his eyebrows, she shook her head.

“No daddy. Aunty four eyes took me to see your pony horse and I fed her a carrot. She has a funny nose, it tickled.” she said holding a hand up to him to show him where the horse had taken the carrot.

“Four eyes had a funny nose?” Levi teases and Kuchel frowned.

“No daddy, the pony horse had a funny nose.” she explained clearly not grasping her father’s cruel humor.

“Could have fooled me.” he muttered as Kuchel rested her head against his chest, nuzzling her nose into his ascot his grip around her tightening.

He exhaled. He could remember taking Kuchel to see his mare, she had been ok with the other horses but something about his big black mare had terrified her. So much so she had run off crying only for you to laugh chasing after her and comforting her by explaining that Levi’s mare helped look after her daddy when he went on missions. It only showed to him now how much he had missed out on Kuchel over the last five months for her to have gotten over her fear of his horse, Hange was right he really had been to caught up in his own mind he had forgotten about the one thing he had left to care for.

Erwin was also right, he needs a break. A break from his grief, a break from paperwork, a break from the military and a break from himself. He needed Kuchel and all the time in the world to make it up to her.

He glanced down at the child in his arms noticing her half closed eyes as sleep tried to take her away from him.

“Mummy’s not coming with us this time. Is she?” Kuchel whispered, Levi felt his heart sink slightly as his forgotten depression seeped slowly back.

“No Ku. No she isn’t.” he replied quietly and Kuchel nodded.

“Why did mummy leave us? Does she not love me anymore?” she asked quietly and Levi felt his body grow cold for a second his eyes widening as he cast his gaze in front of him trying not to let anymore tears slip past his walls, he swallowed back the tears his Adam’s apple quivering as is chest grew heavy with sorrow.

“Mummy’s going to be gone or quite some time Ku. But remember that she will always love you, we both will always love you. Ok?”

She nodded trying to stifle another yawn as her tiny frame relaxed into her father’s warm chest, her hands grasping his shirt tightly as her eyes slowly began to close little by little.

“Will you tell me about mummy?” she asked sleepily, Levi sighed shaking his head. The wound had not fully healed yet, he didn’t need to rip it open again.

“When you’re older Ku. So you can fully appreciate what I have to say about her.”

“Ok daddy.” she yawned.

Levi smiled weakly walking back over to the bed and gently setting her down, her light body sinking into the mattress the pillows welcoming her pretty head as she snuggled into it. Levi reached forward and pulled the linen covers up over her body, tucking it in under her as her eyelids finally grew too heavy to keep open, Levi felt himself grow light as he once again watched her fall asleep. He lowered himself down to press his full lips to her soft hair, pulling away to stare at her a little longer, his hand resting on top of her gently rubbing soothing circles on her back.

“Daddy.” she mumbled her voice muffled.

“Yeah?”

“When we go to the castle will there be princesses?” she asked, her tone drowsy as she fought to stay awake, Levi sighed in thought.

No. The princesses who had once owned the castles years ago no longer lived there anymore, but he wasn’t going to tell her that.

“I’m sure if you look hard enough you’ll find something like that, maybe.” he answered and she nodded.

“Was mummy a princess?”

Levi smiled huffing in quiet laughter. He would have said you were an absolute deity, the very air he breathed and so much more. But in truth he only had one thing to say about you:

“She looked like a princess,she was the definition of a royal pain,” he said softly, he could almost hear your laughter from the heavens at his crass sarcasm and it caused his heart to ache “but she was a warrior. She was an amazing warrior.”

“Warriors are better then princesses.” Kuchel agreed “princesses are too fluffy, mummy is better then them.”

“Yeah, she wa- is. She is.”

“When can we go to the castle?”

“When I say so.” he grumbled and she giggled weakly.

“You’re funny daddy. Mummy said you were funny too, that’s why she fell in love with you.”

“She did?” Levi asked his heart fluttering his vision blurring again with tears as Kuchel nodded finally seeming to succumb to the call of sleep.

“Good night daddy.”

“Night Ku.”


	2. Anchor part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi’s daughter asks him about their mother who had deceased while outside the walls. He tells them everything he loves about her.

Summary: Levi’s daughter asks him about their mother who had deceased while outside the walls. He tells them everything he loves about her.

Disclaimer: I don’t own AoT I hate myself everyday because of it, I don’t own you either. Or the GIF below.

Warnings: angst, swearing, Levi being a dad

Please no reposts

...  
The office was quiet, the low light of the candles casting flickering orange light along the freshly polished book shelves, the starry sky outside the window offering little to no insight as to what was happening outside the office walls. The only sound to be heard was the scratching of Levi’s quill against the rough parchment as he filled out more and more casualty reports, his tired eyes barley open as his hand lazily dragged itself across the form he was working on, his tea cup empty in the corner of the desk. His elbow propped up against the desk holding his heavy head up as sleep tried to lull him away with her. His jacket had long been discarded, he now only wore his trousers and white under shirt with the top button undone leaving his collar to messily lay open around his neck, his ascot had been placed in one of the desk drawers to be seen again in the morning.

Despite the growing cramp in his hand the captain was still going, his signature on every report never once faltering as he continued to dip his quill in the pot of onyx ink and drag the feather back along the dotted line. He didn’t know how many of these he had filled out already, but he knew there were still more that needed doing. It was times like these he wished you were still with him, to rub his shoulders if he got sore or to remake his tea when it ran dry, you had made report filling so much more bearable, often cracking jokes or just laying in silence in the arm chair in the corner of the office, just having your presence was enough for him.

He sighed and for the first time in hours stopped his endless writing, his eyes sleepily glancing up at the drawing that sat framed on his desk. It had been drawn by some artist who’s name Levi had not cared to remember, but the sketch was rather impressive, it was of you and him on your wedding day. He released a small smile as he recalled the happy occasion, the nerves he had felt before it had began and how quickly they had vanished when he saw you walking down the aisle looking so beautiful he had almost cried. He had known then that the descion to marry you had been the best one he had ever made. He had to admit the sketch artist that had been hired for the wedding had captured your radiance, Levi stood beside you and for once there was a small glimmer of happiness on his face. If it was up to him though, he would have just had you in the drawing and not him, but you had told him he was being stupid.

He slowly reached out to pick up the frame, the metal cool beneath his fingers as he ran a thumb gently back and forward over it. His eyes never looking away from your smiling face, he could still hear your laughs from when Hange had toasted at the reception, he could still see your hair sway as you danced with the children, he could still remember your gentle touch on his skin and it lingered in his senses and burned where he longed to have your hands brush against him. His heart ached in his chest as his throat burned with tears, his vision blurring as hot tears stung his eyes. He reached up and quickly wiped them away, he had cried too much and he knew that you wouldn’t want him to feel this pain anymore but he couldn’t help it: he was still so madly in love with you.

He placed the frame back into the desk with a soft clack, any motivation to finish the reports had fled. His mind taking him back to that day two years ago when the world had snatched his lover him, he had never felt so much pain. He couldn’t close his eyes without hearing your anguished screams as the Titan had pulled you from the air and thrown you into a nearby building, you had died before your body had even hit the ground, your bones had been crushed upon impact. Levi could still remember the whimpers that had left your trembling lips as he held you in his arms, tears steaming down his face as he rocked you back and forth whispering his love for you over and over desperately begging you to stay with him until your eyes had finally closed and your heart could no longer beat.

The Titan hadn’t lived much longer after that. Cut down in his rage and left as nothing but a bloodied mess. The other members of the scouts had never seen their captain so broken and it had scared them to see him spend so many nights awake, pushing his body to its limits in training all to avenge his wife and kill any Titan he came across. He had failed you and he would hate himself everyday because it.

“Daddy?”

Levi’s thoughts froze as the small voice called out to him. He visibly relaxed, his pained memories flooding away to the back of his mind as he turned around to face the little girl stood in the doorway of her bedroom as she rubbed her eyes in exhaustion, her long locks of black hair sticking out in unruly directions from where she had been sleeping earlier, her tiny body almost swallowed by the white bed gown she wore, a small teddy was clutched loosely in her hand dragging along the floor.

There was one thing that had kept Levi sane throughout your death: your daughter Kuchel.

When you had died she was only three years old, she had been too young to remember you now at her age of five but back then she had been fully aware her mummy was missing and that her father was crippled by grief. Had Kuchel not been apart of his life Levi didn’t think he would be the same man he was now, she had been his anchor through trying to navigate through his disparity. She was your daughter too and Levi would never neglect her. She had ,without knowing, pulled him out of his own dangerous mind and reminded him that he had a responsibility to her for you.

“What are you doing up?” Levi asked as he watched his daughter make her way over to him from the doorway, her tiny bare feet padding along the ground as she stared up at him with big (y/e/c) eyes.

“I couldn’t sleep.” she answered rocking back and forth on her feet her long raven hair swishing about her shoulders.

“Did you try harder?” Levi asked an amused smirk settling on his features when he saw her shoot him a small glare her bottom lip sticking out in a pout.

“Uh huh but I couldn’t. Can I stay with you?” she asked her eyes growing in size as she pulled her best begging face, Levi arched an eyebrow as he watched her clasp her tiny hands together as if praying to him.

He usually didn’t fall for her begging, he wasn’t raising a spoilt brat, just a normal brat. But he once a while would give in to her, it looked like this was that occasion.

“Tch. Come on then.” he sighed patting his lap.

A huge grin spread over her pretty face as she climbed onto her father’s lap nearly falling off the chair in the process causing Levi to instinctively reach out and grab her a sudden rush of fear pulsing through his veins as he pulled her securely onto his lap keeping one arm around her thin body and the other to reach over and grab the discarded quill to continue writing reports. Kuchel spectated with curious eyes as her father’s hand glided over the parchment, her gaze moving with each stroke of the quill. Levi stole a glance down at her a huffing in amausment as his daughter intently watched the white feather moving up and down. He brought the quill to her nose brushing it softly over her tiny face and she giggled trying to push his arm away a smirk on his face as he brought it back to his work and continued to write.

It stayed like that for a while, Kuchel snuggled into her father’s lap against his stomach and chest as his strong arm held her close as he continued to write. He had hoped she would grow tired again and fall asleep, but after about an hour he was surprised to feel her fidgeting as she pulled her brown teddy higher into her arms as she released a bored sigh burying her nose into the bears worn head. Levi ignored her and carried on, he was almost finished and he assumed Kuchel would take herself back to bed before he finished but he quickly remembered who else’s daughter she was. She was as stubborn as you and if Kuchel wasn’t going to bed, she wasn’t going to bed.

“Daddy?” she soon asked turning on his lap to stare up at him, his steely eyes glanced down to gaze into hers, his heart squirming slightly when he met her gaze. She had your eyes, sure she was a mini female version of him but she had your eyes and if he was being honest that hurt him the most, he had fallen so in love with your eyes that it tortured him slightly to look at Kuchel’s. But it was like a piece of you was still here with him and he was thankful Kuchel had inherited at least one aspect of your appearance.

“What is it brat?” he asked grunting as she moved accidentally elbowing him in the stomach, he moved back allowing her room to get more comfortable before sitting back up and wrapping both arms around her. She rested her head against his chest pulling her legs up into a foetul position as Levi continued to clutch her into him resting his head on top of hers.

“Tell me about mummy.” she whispered into his shirt, her small arms looping around his neck as she nuzzled into him further.

Levi bit his lip, his body tensing slightly at her words. He hadnt expected that. But he supposed he would have had to talk more openly about you with her, he had just thought it would have been later when she was old enough to fully appreciate what he was saying about you. Then again, Kuchel was very intuitive for a five year old she was quick to ask questions and make her own opinions about anything that required it. In some ways Levi was very proud that his spawn was so mature at such a young age. He had seen her boss some of the cadets around telling them to do a better job at cleaning her daddy’s office or to push themselves harder in training, of course the cadets where too scared to tell the child no and did whatever she said, Levi had found it rather amusing to see the teenagers crumple at the whim of a little girl. His little girl. So if Kuchel asked to hear about her mother, who was he to say no?

“What did you want to hear?” he asked. She bit her lip, her mind scanning for questions that she thought worthy of being answered a smile on her face and brightness in her eyes at the joy of finally being allowed to ask about you.

“What was her favourite colour?”

“That’s what you wanted to know?” Levi asked scoffing slightly, Kuchel shot him another glare and he sighed “silver.”

“Why silver?” she asked.

Levi sighed closing his eyes briefly, it was already hurting him to talk. He wanted so desperately to just stop thinking about you, he could feel his walls crumble even at the mention of you. His heart continued to ache and pain his chest as a fresh wave of sadness washed over him, his breathing grew shaky as he remembered you telling him why silver was your favourite colour.

“She said she liked silver because it’s the colour of my eyes.” he answered finally a little embarrassed, his eyes sparkling as the urge to cry cane over him which he quickly shook off not wanting to upset his child.

“That’s nice.” Kuchel nodded “you do have pretty eyes daddy. What colour where mummy’s?”

“The same as yours.” Levi replied softly, the small girl released a quiet gasp and began to run her fingers over her eyes, her father smiled at her excitement.

“She had eyes like mine?” she asked and Levi nodded.

“Yeah, just like yours brat. So don’t do anything to them.” he teased dryly and she shook her head violently clamping her hands over her eyes as if to protect them from ever being damaged or hurt.

Gently Levi ruffled her hair, the black locks tangling beneath his fingers as Kuchel took her hands away from her eyes blinking slightly as the light entered her eyes again. Levi watched her carefully as her eyes caught sight of the picture frame in his desk, she glanced back up to him and he sighed reaching forward making sure not to crush her beneath him and handed her the drawing. She didn’t say anything as she took it from him, her doll like fingers tracing over the glass where the drawing of you lay staring up at her.

“Was she really this pretty daddy?” she asked softly as her finger traced over the pencil lines of your hair.

“No. She was much prettier Kuchel.” he answered staring down at the picture in her hands his eyes locking with where yours were drawn so expertly into the drawing paper “your mother was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She could be a pain in my ass at times but I couldn’t imagine life with out her.”

“How did you meet daddy?” she asked.

Levi released a small chuckle a rare noise to come from him but not unheard. He could remember it so vividly, you had been a cadet who had on one particular day overslept, you had rushed through the corridors half dressed and pulling on your jacket only to turn a corner and bump into the captain. You hadn’t bothered to stop, instead you had muttered an apology and ran off. Levi had been somewhat enticed by your unprofessional and disrespectful apology, he had of course found you later and punished you by making you clean his office three times over. During that time watching you clean so free mindedly he had struck up a conversation with you which had surpassed the punishment time and had dragged on into the night. Ever since he had been hooked.

“She fell on me.” Levi answered and Kuchel laughed a cheeky laugh.

“What do you mean she fell on you daddy?” she giggled.

“Your mother wasn’t always the most organised person. She had two left feet half the time, once you got to know her you wouldn’t be surprised to hear that she had fallen on top of her superior. The idiot didn’t even know who she had fallen on.” he huffed a glint of humour in his eyes as his daughter continued to giggle at the thought of her mum pinning her dad into the ground as she tripped.

“Was mummy any good at fighting?” Kuchel asked “if she was clumsy she must have gotten hurt a lot.”

“No.” Levi replied shaking his head his hand resting behind Kuchel’s head his thumb running back and forwards soothingly under her thick ebony hair “when your mother was given two blades and ODM gear it was the most breath taking sight anyone had ever seen. In the air she was elegant, she would kill about five titans in one movement. She was humanities strongest, her strength was unbreakable, she lead many soldiers into the jaws of danger and came out alive. Kuchel your mother was the best soldier I had ever seen.”

“How did she die?” Kuchel asked innocently, her voice quiet as if afraid to ask.

The breath hitched in Levi’s throat his body tensing as the memories came flooding back. He could see you dying in his arms again, blood trickling from your lip as he held you into his chest cradling your broken form, the rubble of the building you had been thrown into turned to dust around where you lay, your white blouse stained scarlet with blood as the light left your eyes. Levi could hear his own panicked cries as he pleaded with you to stay awake as you struggled for air, your hand brushing over his cheek as you hushed at him to be quiet telling him how much you loved him. He had hoped Kuchel wouldn’t ask him that. He had hoped she would stick to asking questions he could easily answer, but she had a right to know. No matter how much it killed him.

“She-she um…” he swallowed loudly his voice threatening to break “she jumped in the way to save a fellow soldier. One of those fuckers grabbed her by her grapples and…you don’t need to know the rest.”

“You shouldn’t swear daddy.” she huffed crossing her arms, Levi raised his brows at her words a laugh threatening to escape at his daughters glare of his emotions weren’t so mulled by grief.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” he said pressing a kiss to the top of her head, she nodded and snuggled back into his chest her small arms trying to wrap around his neck but she was too small to reach, he huffed in amusement and pulled her up slightly so her eyes were level with his, his hands underneath her keeping her up right as she rested her head on his shoulder her arms now fully wrapped around his neck.

“Aunty Hange says that mummy was really smart. Is that true?” she mumbled releasing a small yawn.

“Tsk. You’re mother was smart. A smart ass really…”

“You said you wouldn’t swear.”

“Tch.”

“Tch.” Kuchel mimicked giggling to herself as her father flicked her gently on the arm a small smile escaping his lips as she remained cocooned into him.

“What else did four eyes say?” Levi asked his own curiosity growing at what his downs had said about his wife, Kuchel released a hum as she thought her eyes half closed as sleep began to sweep over her.

“Everyone says things about mummy.” she replied “uncle Erwin says that she was really brave, Aunty Petra says she was kind, Uncle Oluo says she was funny, Uncle Eld says she was comforting, Uncle Gunther says she was charis…charis…”

“Charismatic?” Levi asked and Kuchel nodded.

“Yeah. Was she really all those things daddy?” she asked as another yawn escaped her, her eyes closing as her eye lids grew heavy.

“All those and more.” he mumbled.

“Am I like mummy?” she asked, Levi bit his lip for a second as he let his mind wander for a moment.

“You’re almost exactly the same. Your mother was just as stubborn and arrogant.” he caught himself when he saw his daughters face fall, he hadn’t meant or insult her he had thought those were good things. He softly brushed a finger over her pale cheek pulling some loose strands of hair behind her ear “those aren’t bad things Kuchel. Your mothers stubborness saved many lives you know, every order she never agreed with she defied and as a result helped many of my men come home. You share that with her.”

“What did you love most about her?”

What didn’t he love about you? Your smile, your laugh, your humour the way you ran your fingers through his hair and whispered in his ear. He couldn’t choose any one thing he loves the most about his wife, you were perfect in every way and he couldn’t have asked for a better partner. But if he had to choose one thing, if he had to answer that question he would.

“She gave me you.” he answered.

There was another breif silence as Kuchel faught to keep her eyes open a few more yawns slips from her lips as Levi silently thought to himself. Usually if Kuchel stayed up this late he would force her back into bed telling her that he would feed her to Titans if she didn’t get enough sleep, that usually worked but he didn’t want to put her back to bed yet. His job usually took up most of his time with her, he hated that you weren’t here to help him look after her. He could remember you saying how excited you were to watch her grow up, you had wanted so desperately to be a mother for her to do the things that mothers did with their daughters, to be there for her when she needed you. Levi had never thought he was cut out to be a dad but having you wit him had reassured him, now you weren’t here and he had never felt so alone. He loved his daughter he truly did, he was thankful for her everyday but that didn’t mean he hadn’t spent countless nights crying into his pillow when he was sure no one would ever hear. He needed you to help raise your daughter, he wanted you to be there to help Kuchel when he couldn’t.

He had kept most of your possessions. Your scout jacket still hung in the wardrobe next to his ready to be worn by Kuchel if she ever joined the ranks. He hadn’t had to heart to throw it away, it had been through so much with you and he knew that you would have wanted Kuchel to have it, a piece of her mother would always be with her that way.

“Did she love me?” Kuchel’s voice finally spoke, Levi shook his head ridding the exhaustion that has wracked through him, he ran a hand through his hair pulling the locks away from his face letting them flick back into his eyes.

“That’s a stupid question.” he answered dryly his eyes softening as his daughter gently smacked his shoulder, he inhaled deeply closing his eyes “of course she did. She loved you more then anyone could love a brat.”

“Did you call mummy a brat?” Kuchel said a small frown on her face. Her father had called her a brat since the day she was born, she wasn’t quite sure what it meant yet but knowing her father it wasn’t a compliment.

“She was the original brat.” Levi scoffed noticing that his daughters breathing had slowly begun to even out her body falling slightly limp in his arms “you still awake?”

“Ye-Yeah.”

“You seem sleepy you want to go to bed?” he asked softly rubbing a hand over her back, she shook her head but she wa so tiered she could barley move “tsk. Come on you’re tired.”

“N-no I’m…” she was stopped as a another yawn escaped her body trembling in exhausted chills crawled over her body.

“You’re not fooling anyone brat.”

Levi carefully stood up from his chair, one arm tucked securely under her legs and his other hand pressed against her back pinning her against him as he slowly moved towards her bedroom. He gently nuzzled his nose into her hair pressing a gentle kiss to her neck as he opens the door to her room balancing her with one arm as he gently closes the door behind himself. Slowly approaching her bed he softly placed her into the mattress, untangling her arms from around his neck and pulling the emerald green covers over her sleeping form as she nestled into her pillows. Levi stood up watching her sleep for a moment, her tiny lips open slightly as she snored lightly her chest falling and rising as she hugged her teddy closer. The stoic captain quietly walked out his daughters room closing the door as silently as possible breathing a small sigh of relief that she hadn’t reawoken.

His half lidded eyes glanced at the stack of papers on his desk. He really couldn’t find the motivation to finish the last few papers, his mind had been dulled by the earlier conversation he would go to bed and even if he didn’t sleep at least his body might find some relaxation. As he made his way to his own bedroom his eyes glanced to the picture on his desk where you were beaming up at him through lead lines. He reached over the desk to put it back in its original position by his ink pot, his gaze staying trained on his bride. He wished so deeply it was him who had perished, the world was a better place with you in it but Kuchel was his priority now more then anything.

“Good night (y/n).” he mumbled to the drawing before blowing the candles in his office out causing the room to fall into darkness.

He made his way into his bedroom closing the door behind him, tugging his shirt and trousers off he fell onto the bed, the covers billowing beneath him. The silver moonlight peaked through the curtains lighting the room up enough for Levi to make out the silhouettes of his furniture, his heavy eyes fell onto the empty pillow beside him where he would usually watch you slumber. You had always looked so peaceful when you slept, he missed being able to pull you into his arms and wake up to you tangled in the bedsheets.

Levi rolled over closing his eyes as his pillow grew damp beneath him, silent tears sliding down his cheeks his dark lashes not holding back the flow of tears. He was exhausted of pretending he was ok around his friends, it had been two years and the pain had not gotten any better. Now he was alone his thoughts would consume like they always did, his mind plagued with nightmares at the memory of you dying in his arms.

He knew that apart of him would always be missing, it had died with you.

His tears still falling well into the night and early hours of the morning.

…

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this. Part two actually came out before this, this is a prequel.


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